I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
