and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
