There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
