His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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