We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
