I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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