Texts From Last Night

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  (407): View more from Florida

  I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises

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  (407): I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises http://tfl.nu/5v7b
  Replies (8) Good night (2896) Bad night (760)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.

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  (407): I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA. http://tfl.nu/w336
  Replies (52) Good night (1949) Bad night (4144)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?

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  (513): The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him? http://tfl.nu/pyyw
  Replies (23) Good night (6524) Bad night (848)
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  (315): View more from New York

  I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"

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  (315): I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night" http://tfl.nu/prxk
  Replies (20) Good night (8742) Bad night (1405)
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  (+45): View more from Denmark

  The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!

  (+45): View more from Denmark

  ... that would be easier though.

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  (+45): The world isn't going to end because you slept with him! (+45): ... that would be easier though. http://tfl.nu/hysm
  Replies (2) Good night (1431) Bad night (907)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.

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  (604): He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there. http://tfl.nu/lavl
  Replies (10) Good night (2115) Bad night (696)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.

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  (914): I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me. http://tfl.nu/fqr3
  Replies (6) Good night (510) Bad night (1285)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  That boy needs some memories to take back home with him

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  (336): That boy needs some memories to take back home with him http://tfl.nu/bmt8
  Replies (4) Good night (1289) Bad night (460)
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.

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  (575): It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest. http://tfl.nu/dnlf
  Replies (10) Good night (1789) Bad night (597)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.

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  (517): I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable. http://tfl.nu/ueqk
  Replies (7) Good night (1159) Bad night (601)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now

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  (712): I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now http://tfl.nu/qxxb
  Replies (6) Good night (625) Bad night (836)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.

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  (480): I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it. http://tfl.nu/0k0k
  Replies (8) Good night (1093) Bad night (417)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.

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  (732): My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places. http://tfl.nu/xqpe
  Replies (0) Good night (558) Bad night (373)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.

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  (561): His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger. http://tfl.nu/j2rh
  Replies (3) Good night (421) Bad night (1127)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.

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  (816): You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir. http://tfl.nu/hg5f
  Replies (2) Good night (635) Bad night (348)

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