I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE