there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
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Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
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I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?