My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.