I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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