Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
