Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"

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  (212): He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances," http://tfl.nu/u663
  Replies (83) Good night (3656) Bad night (2915)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory

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  (913): You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory http://tfl.nu/s661
  Replies (15) Good night (4134) Bad night (683)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.

  (1-501): View more from Arkansas

  bonus

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  (501): So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked. (1-501): bonus http://tfl.nu/029j
  Replies (20) Good night (4264) Bad night (574)
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  (949): View more from California

  while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving

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  (949): while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving http://tfl.nu/8zv1
  Replies (20) Good night (9024) Bad night (712)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.

  (361): View more from Texas

  I just can't bring boyfriends home.

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  (361): yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable. (361): I just can't bring boyfriends home. http://tfl.nu/mnpp
  Replies (29) Good night (1178) Bad night (4702)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."

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  (703): She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet." http://tfl.nu/u6hh
  Replies (28) Good night (1442) Bad night (4220)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.

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  (337): Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop. http://tfl.nu/jwrv
  Replies (18) Good night (4743) Bad night (1041)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.

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  (402): her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed. http://tfl.nu/jsdy
  Replies (13) Good night (2011) Bad night (3695)
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  (628): View more from California

  That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.

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  (628): That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM. http://tfl.nu/93q7
  Replies (56) Good night (7052) Bad night (918)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.

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  (407): Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless. http://tfl.nu/zvko
  Replies (5) Good night (1555) Bad night (858)
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  (949): View more from California

  You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.

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  (949): You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept. http://tfl.nu/3n2j
  Replies (15) Good night (3056) Bad night (683)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.

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  (803): I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night. http://tfl.nu/gwrd
  Replies (5) Good night (654) Bad night (1777)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.

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  (570): They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America. http://tfl.nu/4pz5
  Replies (4) Good night (590) Bad night (303)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.

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  (609): Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents. http://tfl.nu/lxxo
  Replies (5) Good night (640) Bad night (376)
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  (619): View more from California

  had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx

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  (619): had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx http://tfl.nu/v96h
  Replies (0) Good night (436) Bad night (289)

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