I would do horrible things to your vagina.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?