Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.

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  (617): So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon. http://tfl.nu/mzh2
  Replies (9) Good night (589) Bad night (1142) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.

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  (314): Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though. http://tfl.nu/zzah
  Replies (18) Good night (6155) Bad night (494) Order T-Shirt
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea

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  (985): I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea http://tfl.nu/2rdl
  Replies (9) Good night (923) Bad night (2909) Order T-Shirt
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  (619): View more from California

  Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"

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  (619): Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!" http://tfl.nu/5vjf
  Replies (35) Good night (5659) Bad night (8219) Order T-Shirt
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.

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  (781): I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing. http://tfl.nu/7fgj
  Replies (17) Good night (5736) Bad night (1186) Order T-Shirt
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  (925): View more from California

  At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.

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  (925): At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night. http://tfl.nu/1jxg
  Replies (9) Good night (4062) Bad night (1242) Order T-Shirt
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  (661): View more from California

  Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.

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  (661): Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple. http://tfl.nu/553h
  Replies (22) Good night (5377) Bad night (1303) Order T-Shirt
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.

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  (301): I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands. http://tfl.nu/945a
  Replies (8) Good night (1523) Bad night (695) Order T-Shirt
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  (+27): View more from South Africa

  i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please

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  (+27): i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please http://tfl.nu/h9fq
  Replies (3) Good night (675) Bad night (1157)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE

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  (828): NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE http://tfl.nu/lvmw
  Replies (6) Good night (455) Bad night (1459) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.

  (972): View more from Texas

  Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.

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  (817): Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift. (972): Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking. http://tfl.nu/jm0q
  Replies (23) Good night (2507) Bad night (542)
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  (619): View more from California

  I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"

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  (619): I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn" http://tfl.nu/h75w
  Replies (5) Good night (1258) Bad night (382) Order T-Shirt
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.

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  (517): winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito. http://tfl.nu/1g88
  Replies (15) Good night (1827) Bad night (428) Order T-Shirt
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  (406): View more from Montana

  All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.

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  (406): All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven. http://tfl.nu/uskg
  Replies (11) Good night (1772) Bad night (342) Order T-Shirt
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome

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  (507): If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome http://tfl.nu/ndd2
  Replies (3) Good night (692) Bad night (243) Order T-Shirt

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