id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes