my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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