upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
