can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
