What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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