The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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