btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
