Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I need to wash the frat house off of me
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
