Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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