i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
