You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
