it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
