Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
