He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
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EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
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So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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