im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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