She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
