oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Please, let me fuck your mom
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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