we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
