I just found puke in my bra..
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
