I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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