We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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