i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
