woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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