She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
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