Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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