finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
