Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
