everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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