I accidentally burped into my bong.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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