her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You took a bar mat shot.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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