I'm going to jail i love you
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
