Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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