i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
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