Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
That accounts for only three of the penises
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
