my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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