this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
