he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
did i walk over a car last night?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
