I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
