Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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