If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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