I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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