I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
