Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
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