Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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