I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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