he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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