How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
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the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
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I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize