Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
