Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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