Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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